As the death toll approaches 100,000 in South Asia, several governments regret not complying to the demands of renound dog wizard who goes by the alias Grizzly the Magnificent. For months, the local dog wizard had been urging the governments of Thailand, Sri Lanka, Malaysia, and several other Asian countries to pay his desired 3 billion pounds of gold, "One for every one you fuckers who wrong me," in sentimental reparations. "Basically, I plan to destroy all of asia," says the dog wizard.

Responding to the threatening letters signed in goat's blood, one communist leader of a country who wishes to remain anonymous stated, "We find [Grizzly the Magnificent's] threats offensive and uncanny. He has provided no proof for his claims. Furthermore, even if [our country's] charter allowed for negotiation with dog wizards, which it clearly does not, we could not afford to comply with [Grizzly the Magnificent's] demands. [Our country] is prepared to meet whatever attacks the dog wizard has in store for us." Unfortunately, the country was not prepared for a giant tsunami who's force has been unmatched for hundreds of years. Grizzly the Magnificent confirmed that he is still open for negotiation, should they choose to comply with his demands. "I wrote it in their speak," he explained regarding his letters, "I figured it would be easier for them to understand."

"I wrote it in their speak."

In an exclusive interview, Grizzly the Magnificent recounted the gruesome story of his puppyhood in Thailand. He remembers his 3 brothers being snatched while suckling from their mother's teat. "The man simply scooped them up, grunted, and took a bite out of my brother Charlie before throwing them all in the morning stew," recounted a teary-eyed Grizzly the Magnificent. As he watched his siblings be gobbled down by the locals, he couldn't help but feel anger, sadness, and fear for his own life. When his father and mother were eaten for dinner that same day, he was relieved to be the only surviving member of the family. "It must have been the luck of the Irish," remarked Grizzly the Magnificent, "I believe there is a reason I am still alive today."

"I believe there is a reason I am still alive today."

In regard to the news of the current kill count in Asia, he gruffly responded, "90,000 down, 3.2 billion to go." The local dog wizard went on to describe the extent of his master plan. "I never met one I didn't hate," he calmly explained, "I have no remorse for what I've done." His brilliant plan was calculated using a complex equation which took him 4 and a half years to conceive: Big Waves + Land = Death. "I thought of it while I was playing golf one day," remarked GTM. While being an adept scholar, as well as a master dog wizard, Grizzly the Magnificent (GTM) says he is already cooking up a plan to bring havoc to other parts of the world. So far, GTM has been eluding the authorities using a mind-control spell which he developed on a routine wizard quest some years ago. Although his description was vague, he assured Badboots.com that the destruction would not come in the form of tidal waves. "The next attack will come from the inside." When we asked GTM what he meant by this, he simply smiled and slyly tapped the right side of his nose 3 times. After much debate, he left us with this riddle, "The day is late, all must eat. Life itself is dead in meat." If you discover what Grizzly the Magnificent means by this, please contact us immediately using one of the options at the bottom of the page.